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Posted on 2007.06.14 at 18:08
Its funny how emotions can be so incidious and sneaky. You can be going along just fine, confident, happy and content and then suddenly! Wham- everything changes.  I try to act so self-aware, so ok with everything, so open, so…. Strong, but really I am just a scared, scarred, insecure little kid huddled in the corner.   I can’t accept that I am anything that ppl tell me I am.  I won’t listen when I am told I am  pretty, or sexy, or smart or funny.  God forbid I admit to the depth of my insecurity however.  I must fight against that at all costs.  I must never, ever, EVER admit that I may feel threatened or under any circumstances the dreaded J feeling.  Most especially this must not happen in reference to someone younger, prettier or more interesting. I must act as though I do not care. That I am above all of it. That doubts do not exscist in my mind. Ha- if only that were possible!   So- instead I have to accept that I have these silly, petty emotions.  That they are like a virus that I must (and more importantly CAN) fight against.  Then I have to strive to stop myself before I engage in the childish, cloying passive aggressive behavior I watch others enacting and instead try to be honest, sincere and ~well…. grounded.
We’ll see how it goes….

what kind of lover am i?

Posted on 2007.03.31 at 15:53
Current Mood: amusedamused
Random Brutal Sex Dreamer (RBSDf)

Fiery. Hungry. Blatant. Sexual. Christ. You are Half-Cocked.

There's a lot of wild lust inside you, banging around, that much is obvious. There's also a lot of untamed emotion. When either escapes, look out. One minute you're completely together, the next you're a howling gale of hormones and opinions.

Outside relationships, your intense, mercurial personality makes you a charmer. You can be fiercely devoted, and it's likely that many of your friends will be friends-for-life. Of course, your enemies are likewise certain and zealous, especially your exes and their therapists.

Your exact opposite:
The Maid of Honor

Deliberate Gentle Love Master
You will find the right person. In the short term, he's someone virile who won't sweat your imperfections. In the long term, he will be someone mature and caring who will grow to love them.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Slow Dancer

CONSIDER: The Playboy, The Billy Goat

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: mtngoddess

poem (untitled)

Posted on 2007.02.21 at 12:57

May 19th, 1992 age 17

(revamped January 13th 2007)

Hello? Are you there?

I know you are because I can feel your mind touching mine,



Will you let me touch my thoughts to your body?

Will you let me caress your ideas?

I have waited so long in the metal cage

Of my mental life for you.

I have struggled to hear the whispers of your soul.

I have hungered for the prodding of your passionate conceptions

Against my opened (fertile) mind.

I have ached to hear (to feel) the ticking

of the clockwork in your brain,

Am enraptured with the thought of touching parts of you

That have never been touched…

I want (I need)

To dive into your darkness…

To drink your light…

To taste your soul….

I want to make love to your mind…